Gareth Southgate: 'Boys need role models, not porn, gambling and games'

Gareth Southgate, the former England football manager, has voiced his concerns about the growing influence of toxic online culture on young men. In a thought-provoking speech during the BBC’s annual Richard Dimbleby Lecture, Southgate urged society to address the risks posed by excessive gaming, gambling, and exposure to pornography, which he believes are distracting young men from making positive life choices. According to Southgate, these activities are often coupled with guidance from online influencers who are leading them down harmful paths.

Southgate, who led England to remarkable success during his time as manager, shared his personal experiences and insights, aiming to provide a clearer vision for the younger generation. His message was clear, young men need stronger, healthier role models who can guide them to live fulfilling, balanced lives, rather than falling prey to the manipulation of online personalities.

The rise of toxic influences

Southgate’s fears centre on the rapid rise of online influencers who, he claims, are manipulating young men into adopting damaging mindsets. He warned that these influencers promote a skewed perception of success, often tied to wealth, dominance, and emotional suppression. Southgate expressed his concern that these ideas, which are rapidly spreading across social media and other online platforms, are distorting young men’s values and steering them away from healthy emotional development.

“These are callous, manipulative and toxic influencers, whose sole drive is for their own gain,” Southgate said during his lecture. “They willingly trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, that strength means never showing emotion, and that the world, including women, is against them.”

Southgate’s comments reflect growing concerns about the impact of social media on young people’s mental health and sense of identity. As boys increasingly look to online platforms for guidance, he fears that traditional mentors; such as teachers, sports coaches, and youth leaders, are being sidelined. The result, he said, is a generation of young men who lack the emotional resilience and life skills they need to navigate modern challenges.

Southgate’s own experience with failure

Reflecting on his personal journey, Southgate spoke candidly about his experience of missing the crucial penalty at Euro 96. It was a defining moment in his football career, but also one that shaped his character. “That pain still haunts me today,” he admitted, adding that it has become a lifelong reminder of the need to face and overcome failure.

Southgate explained how missing the penalty forced him to develop inner resilience and belief, two qualities that would serve him well both in his football career and later as England team manager. He contrasted this personal failure with Eric Dier’s successful penalty kick during England’s 2018 World Cup penalty shootout victory over Colombia. Southgate pointed out that while he had approached his penalty in 1996 expecting to miss, Dier had approached his in 2018 believing he would score.

“In 1996, I had walked 30 yards to the penalty spot believing I would miss,” Southgate said. “In 2018, Eric had walked 30 yards to the penalty spot believing he would score.” This shift in mindset, he argued, was emblematic of the change that had occurred in the England team under his leadership.

Building resilience and embracing failure

Southgate wanted to show young men that failure is an essential part of successGetty Images

Southgate’s emphasis on resilience and the importance of learning from failure is central to his vision for young people. He believes that society needs to do more to help young men build emotional resilience, rather than turning to superficial distractions. This requires a cultural shift, one in which failure is seen as an opportunity for growth, not as something to be feared.

By sharing his personal story of missing that fateful penalty, Southgate wanted to show young men that failure is an essential part of success. “Missing that penalty was undoubtedly a watershed moment that made me stronger, a better man,” he said. “It forced me to dig deep, and revealed an inner belief and resilience I never knew existed.”

Southgate is keen to see more young people embrace this mindset, encouraging them to move away from the damaging messages promoted by toxic online influencers. He wants to see a return to positive, real-life role models who can help guide young men towards fulfilling and meaningful lives.

Looking forward after stepping down as England team manager

Southgate stepped down as England team manager in July 2024, following the team’s loss to Spain in the European Championship. During his eight years in charge, he guided the national team to significant achievements, including a World Cup semi-final in 2018 and a Euro final in 2021. He was widely credited with revitalising the England team and fostering a culture of unity and belief that had been missing for years.

Since stepping down, Southgate has turned his attention to issues outside of football, including the mental health and well-being of young people. He was knighted in the King’s New Year Honours in December 2024 for his services to football, but it is clear that his impact stretches far beyond the football pitch.

In his Dimbleby Lecture, Gareth Southgate sent a powerful message: Young men need positive role models and real-life guidance to navigate today’s challenges. By embracing resilience and rejecting toxic influences, they can build a brighter future for themselves and those around them.