DATING apps may provide more options for single people than ever before, but many have been left frustrated with swiping across to find a life partner.
Being unsatisfied with apps led Sukh Kaur towards setting up her company Some Single Thing. The British entrepreneur organises unique events for singles looking to meet someone special and offers professional coaching for those who need it.
Eastern Eye caught up with the relationship expert to discuss different aspects of dating, unique Jenga-inspired events and her top tips for singletons. She also spoke about the importance of staying in the moment, the secret of making a connection, flirting and confidence.
What made you go from getting dating app fatigue to setting up a matchmaking company?
Conversations on dating apps were always lacklustre. There was a lot of ghosting and I couldn’t really find anyone who wanted to make a genuine connection. I thought that there must be a place where like-minded genuine singles want to connect. I couldn’t find a company I resonated with and decided to create my own.
What made you want to organise dating events?
After hosting my firs- ever event in Birmingham, I could see the advantages of bringing singles together in a room. The energy was amazing. I could see people exchanging numbers with each other. This made me want to bring more like-minded singles together. Post lockdown, singles are still struggling to get out, so my events are somewhere they can connect, make friends and find potential partners. I love it when I see people connecting.
What was the thought process behind your Jenga-inspired dating events?
Speed-dating events are great to bring people together, but they only give you a few minutes to connect. And many were getting bored of asking the same generic questions. That is when I realised the need to incorporate something fun at the table. Along came Jenga. Because a good relationship is built on strong foundations, right?
Jenga speed dating is a fun quirky way to work together as a team. You pull out a block and there is an icebreaker question you can ask your date. The thought provoking questions enable you to learn more about your date. No questions are ever the same, so you’re always learning and most importantly having fun.
Could you tell us about the process of coaching singles?
I work with singles to navigate dating more effectively to meet quality singles, attract a partner they desire and enjoy the dating journey. Singles have become so stuck in their ways with their preconceived ideas and checklists that many are just not present when dating. This is what causes dating fatigue and makes singles want to quit altogether. I work with singles to shake up their dating plan and assist them in all aspects of dating, including understanding what really aligns with them.
You also share advice on aspects like flirting, body language and confidence. What top tip would you give singles?
My top tips would be to throw out the checklist, be present and just have fun. Dating is all about just thinking ‘am I having fun with this person’ and ‘would l like to meet them again’. Honestly, the more you’re relaxed and present with your date, the more you can gauge if there is potential for something more. Don’t think about marriage straight away or get your hopes up too soon. Instead, stay present and in the moment. Try it – it’s way more fun.
What is the secret of making a connection at dating events where you have limited time?
Make sure you are dressed to look confident but comfortable. After all, first impressions count. Have good icebreaker questions ready, so conversations can be varied as and when you speak to different singles. Swap standard questions like ‘what are your hobbies and where are you from’, for expansive ones like ‘how would your family and friends describe you’. The answers will give you an opportunity to delve deeper into conversations.
Are there any flirting tips you have?
I love this topic. Flirting is all about making someone feel fabulous in your presence. You want to make them feel special in that moment you are together. So simply pay them a compliment. This could be an accessory they are wearing or even a piece of clothing. Ask them what the story is behind it or where they got it from. It’s a great way to begin a conversation with them. Try it out.
What advice would you give those who are not confident talking to people?
Dating is only a fraction of your life and shouldn’t define you. If you’re not confident in dating, I would encourage you to build your confidence in doing things you enjoy.
If you enjoy cooking, take up a cookery class. This is a great way to put yourself in a comfortable setting with strangers and talking to them. Classes are a great way to meet new people and make new social connections.
By doing this, not only do you expand your social circle, you also increase your confidence with strangers. When your confidence becomes natural in your day to day life, dating will become that little bit more comfortable too.
What advice would you give single mothers and fathers?
Many single parents struggle to date and find a partner. I understand it can be deflating, but I would say flip your mindset. If someone says they aren’t interested because you have children, that’s their problem and not yours. You’re a proud parent and nothing is going to change that. Keep going, keep dating. Mix with other singles in different social groups. This helps to expand your social circles and introduce you to new people.
What about those who are older and looking for love?
The most common issue I have found with older singles is that they have a checklist of what they are looking for. What we need to remember is as we age, we evolve. What was right for us in our 20s may not be the same when older. This is the same when searching for a partner. So, ditch the list, be more realistic with your expectations and more open to dating different kinds of people. You may find you align or find a different type of person attractive.
What advice would you give those going on dates with a new person?
Simply have fun. Pre-date jitters are common, but the main thing to remember is that your date will be nervous too. Make sure you concentrate on having a fun date and getting to know them a little more. This takes the pressure away from calling it a ‘date’. At the end, think about if you had fun and if you would just like to see them again. Fingers crossed; you will be planning for a second date.
What inspires you as a dating coach and event organiser for single people?
I’m a natural cheerleader. It feels rewarding giving singles in my community a safe space to be open about how they feel about dating, but also give them a platform to meet singles in a fun environment too. That’s what inspires me to keep moving forward to support as many singles as I can. I’m always rooting for them all to find love.
Isaac Newton’s birthplace, WoolsthorpeManor, Lincolnshire
