The language of love

by PRIYA MULJI

HAPPY Valentine’s Day to all my lovely readers! I hope you all have a day full of love in all its forms and that continues for the rest of 2020 and beyond. If you’re single like I’ve been pretty much all my life, please don’t be sad. Today, devote time to the best person in the world, you, just like Madhuri Dixit does in classic Bollywood film Dil To Pagal Hai. Meet friends, get a massage or haircut, go shopping, go for dinner and enjoy life.

At the time of writing this column, I’m feeling very much in love. Actually, I haven’t felt so much in love for a long time and perhaps, it is the most love I have felt in the eight and half months my boyfriend and I have been together. Perhaps, it is because we’ve been expressing how we feel to each other and taking into account both our needs. In 1992, an author called Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. It outlines the five ways that you express and experience love from your romantic partner.

These five ways are described as receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.

Receiving gifts isn’t just about wanting something extravagant, but when someone buys you Ferrero Rocher knowing it’s your favourite chocolate. A person will like to be spoilt by meaningful and thoughtful gifts to show their partner cares. This also shows how much your partner knows you by the gift they choose.

Quality time is when someone wants to spend time with their significant other regardless of what they do or where they go; that their partner will give undivided attention and communicates without smartphone or television distractions.

Words of affirmation is when someone wants to hear that they are loved – they want to hear that their partner loves and appreciates them.

Acts of service is when someone will do things for you like a man unclogging your shower drain or a woman cooking dinner for her partner.

Finally, physical touch is when someone will hold your hand, put their arms around you and kiss your forehead in a very safe and protective way. It shows they love and will reassure your partner that they are loved.

In the last few weeks, my boyfriend and I have expressed more of what we need from a relationship; what our love languages are. Desi Mr Big isn’t a huge talker on the phone and his love language is acts of service (he really has unclogged the hair from my shower drain) and mine is quality time. Reaching that understanding of your partner’s love language is really important and if you’re not sure what yours is, there are tests online that you can do to find out. It’s a great way of understanding each other’s needs from a relationship. So do that test and find out what your partner wants from your relationship and make sure you’re listening to each other’s love languages.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Gary Chapman, “all of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.”