What are men doing to make women feel safe?

• Priya Mulji
• 25 November, 2024

Follow Us

By: Priya Mulji

WHEN you’re a woman, the simplest things can feel terrifying.

Walking home at night, getting into your car, or entering your house alone after dark – all can be fraught with fear. For women living alone, these anxieties can be heightened. I, for one, keep a hammer next to my bed – people laugh, but who else will protect me if someone breaks in?

Horrific incidents, like the rape and murder of a medical student in India, rightly spark global outrage and condemnation. Yet, they also provoke the refrain, ‘Not all men are like this.’

Of course, that’s true. But for women, how do we distinguish the good from the bad? How do we know, when walking home or even sleeping in a secure place like a hospital, that we won’t become a victim of violence?

Some men exude a sense of entitlement, as though paying for a date grants them the right to something more – be it a kiss, a second date, or even sex. Despite engaging in debates with male friends about this, it’s disheartening to see that many don’t grasp how intimidating such behaviour can be to a woman.

My friend Bina and I even recorded an episode of our podcast Whine and Wisdom discussing the unnerving dates we’ve experienced. Most women would gladly split the bill to avoid any sense of obligation. The reality is that women have never been fully safe, and sadly, this doesn’t seem likely to change soon.

When men dismiss concerns with statements like ‘You’re just feminists’, ‘Not all men are like this,’ or ‘Why are you so sensitive?’ while making sexist jokes, it’s infuriating.

Such men have likely never been called out or perhaps don’t have close relationships with women. This is where the problem begins – casual sexism normalises misogyny.

This is why films like Bollywood blockbuster Animal are so troubling. While it’s just a movie, the influence of stars like Ranbir Kapoor portraying toxic behaviour – pulling his wife’s bra strap, being physically abusive, or having an affair – can have damaging effects. Boys may grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable.

I recently saw a meme stating that men are doing the bare minimum by not being perverts. In a world where violence against women continues unabated, I urge men to ask themselves: ‘What am I doing to make the women in my life feel safe?